It feels so painful to write.
I started a blog a bit over two years ago, tragedy struck soon after and I haven’t been able to figure out how do a lot of things since…
Many of you who make me me are so far, I wanted to open this little window into our lives to you so you could peak in from time to time. Or grab a cup of tea and “catch -up.” I wanted to share my kids’ laughter, rude bodily noises and new-found hair growth with you all. (Remember when my kids couldn’t grow hair for ANYTHING! – I don’t think anyone saw us moving to Oregon imagined an explosion of hair growth.)
A few weeks back, a good friend found this need inside her to put pen to paper and use is as therapy. she shares her life and passions and walk with God. I thought I should write then. I started to imagine typing in my head and I realized that Cory wasn’t here any that somehow felt like a barrier so huge to writing again – still does actually. Today it’s exactly two years ago today that we lost Wendy and Cory. I snuggled my Cory pillow so tight last night for the couple of hours I was able to sleep. I also recall trying to write at the one year anniversary, but Russell was dying of cancer, so I didn’t write then either.
So family and friends. Today hurts so much, Dad’s cancer is back, Mitch’s family is having some things too – (please keep them in your prayers as it’s not a public thing yet but it’s a rough concern and weighing heavy on us and Jackie.) What I do have to say today is that I love you all so very, very much. These things remind me that I started a blog because I love you all so much that my heart aches to not be with you. I want you all to see all the fun and joy in our home sandwiched right there between the times of grief. These two kids are growing so fast and doing sooo many amazing things and you should all know.
I will fill you all in. And soon… Shelby starred in a blog yesterday. YEP! Seven years old and she has stolen the heart of a blogger and has taught us all a thing or two (although that is nothing new.) Check it out here… Riley is having the summer of achieving excelling at everything he touches, and it’s not even half over.
These hard moments show that life IS indeed shortly, too short for some.
THANK YOU Anna for being more on the recovery side of things than the OH NO side!
In summation, what I wish I had used the last two years to say over and over and over again how much I love all my friends and family and am so glad to get more time with those that I have more time with.
So today I will remember those I love that have recently passed.
I will remember Cristi calling me to go bail Cory out of jail in Mexico and him calling me in high school because he woke up to a cops gun in his face when he fell asleep in the pool house of his friends party and everyone went out to breakfast and turned the alarm on with him still inside. I will also remember that he was the best hugger this planet has ever known, his hugs could dissolved away evil, I wish he had hugged his own evils away. I will remember Russell randomly showing up at my door at 3am, 4am, or whatever; even in other countries, completely un announced. Or calling me at midnight to meet him at Denny’s for “a snack”. Russell is the only person in my life that has visited every home I have every lived in. Uncle Walston for being an amazing Rock while Russell was sick and introducing me to the only family I have in Oregon, I barely got to know you, I thought we’d have so many more times to get to hang out. To Wendy, the perfect mate for my nephew. How you two parted ways and fate brought you back to us all. You were exactly what our family was missing and we didn’t even know. Mom, you were my only mom, I remember everything. I will remember all the beauty, fun and, let’s face it, completely unacceptable moments… this is my family after all. I will cry as I need to but try to laugh more today.
Here is the biggest cyber hug I can muster to anyone reading this.
Love Tami- because this is really written to my family